I'm convinced that if I had more money, then I would feel put together. I would have toenails that were pedicured, a fresh haircut, clothes that fit and weren't faded, a meal prepared and a clean home.

The security that I crave sends me into a spiral of self loathing and worthlessness.

I dont want to look at my house or even my face.

My husband has a list of things to do for work. I feel alone. That I have no one.

Rerunning every conversation. beating myself up and shaking my head with shame at every word that came out. I'm so stupid or thoughtless.

Insecurity.

I do not feel secure or attached to anything. I am wandering and alone. I am aimless and anchorless.

Deep fear runs in each thought and decision.

My heart longs for an embrace from someone who loves me. But the thought of being touched makes me want to fight and flail.  

Who loves me?

Who do I have, but You alone?